Another Day in the Country
This is embarrassing
© Another Day in the Country
I’m embarrassed that I got so wrapped up in setting an art show up a couple of weeks ago that I completely forgot to pay my credit card bill when it was due.
I’ve tried to be very careful to pay my bills on time, but it seems that every little while there’s a slip up.
I’d like to be the kind of person who is responsible, paying things in a timely fashion — someone who can be trusted. And I believe I am. But when I mess up, even if I know no one will ever know, I’m chagrined and disappointed with myself.
When I looked up the official meaning of “embarrassment,” I discovered that it is a failure to comply with social norms.
That explains why I’m regularly embarrassed when I hear news reports.
It was excruciating a while back to watch the Ukrainian president sitting with our newly elected leaders who were acting like rude bullies, delighting in humiliating the representative of a beleaguered country.
It happened again this past week with the South African president.
Right about now, I’m embarrassed to be an American. The kind of behavior exemplified by our country’s leadership is sad and disgusting in my opinion, and quite frankly, I’m embarrassed at Americans who admire this kind of erratic bravado.
I’m embarrassed even when I hear the former president trying to do interviews. He’s an old warrior, used to playing the game of politics, but it’s time for him to become a more private citizen.
I’m embarrassed at how carelessly I use words at times.
My mother used to be embarrassed because I was a preacher’s daughter and I’d say, “holy cow.”
“That’s no way to talk,” she admonished. “The Bible says that our words are to be ‘yea, yea’ and ‘nay, nay.’”
I used to tease her about that quote.
How weird would it be if when I was frustrated or surprised (which is usually when slang or swear words appear in my vocabulary) and I burst out with “yea, yea!”
Of course, I was only a teenager at the time.
“You know what I mean,” Mom said.
And I did.
Then I became a preacher’s wife, and I was more circumspect with my words. I’d also grown up and, hopefully, gained some wisdom.
However, 30 years later, I went through a divorce — which in the best of circumstances, with both parties attempting kindness and understanding — is still a painful, frustrating process.
I’m embarrassed at how many times an expletive suddenly found its way into my vocabulary.
I’m embarrassed at what my little town, population ±100, is beginning to look like — at how many buildings need to be demolished, for instance.
It costs money to tear things down. It takes resources to clean up derelict properties. I know this, but I’m still embarrassed.
Of course, I also was thrilled when a toppling, two-story, yellow house on the road out of town finally was torn down by its new owner. For more than 20 years, it sat there — a hollow, disintegrating eyesore.
I’m embarrassed when friends from Abilene came to visit for the first time in daylight and they could see how my favorite little town is disintegrating.
They’d been here in the dark before. That limits the shock of old, dilapidated houses and junk in yards.
I’m also embarrassed that people are still complaining about wind power when, in my book, we should be proud of the fact that in Kansas more than half of the electricity generated is from wind farms.
C’mon folks, adjust to the aesthetics. I’d become romantically infatuated with old-style windmills that spoke of another era. These new electrical generators are much more a thing of beauty than coal-fired polluters of days gone by.
We do love our electricity, don’t we? So, buck up. I’m embarrassed at all the whining.
I’m embarrassed at all the fighting going on in the world. Right now in the news, I hear people in Kashmir saying, “We just want to live in peace. Why are bombs bursting overhead?”
I’m even embarrassed that we forget how the Ukrainians have suffered at the hand of a world power trying to claim more land.
I’m embarrassed that after Israel was attacked unexpectedly and moved to defend itself in the only way that seems to work — fighting back — that people accused it of aggression.
I’m embarrassed when anyone is maligned, attacked, disrespected, or harmed just because of their gender, their heritage, or the shade of their skin in this supposed land of the free.
I’m embarrassed when women aren’t safe on the streets of America.
I remember being in Singapore years ago and found myself coming out of a theater at midnight with a friend. The streets were quiet and dark, and we were waiting for a taxi.
I was nervous, but my friend said, “You are in Singapore. Everyone, even women, is safe here on the streets at night.”
I was relieved and surprised.
I’m embarrassed that I don’t know a lot of other people who are embarrassed by these same things.
I thought, at one time, that we pretty much all were embarrassed by the same bad manners and the same injustices, and that there was a common code of decency that the majority in America adhered to. But I’m seriously beginning to wonder!
I’m even embarrassed that I’ve begun to doubt our ethical and social standards. Is this really going to be the everyday norm on another day in our country?
corrections
and clarifications
Hillsboro grant
The amount Hillsboro received from the state to renovate the former Olde Towne Restaurant building at 126 N. Main St. was mistakenly reported last week. The number is $300,000, not $12,000, which was the fee paid to Ranson Financial to administer the grant.